Senior Year

sucks.

:(

But it gets better. You read books and eat burgers with friends and listen to good music and get distracted by Youtube.

And it gets better.

The Summer Before Senior Year

.... is really coming to an end, and these days, I'm trying to remember all the past versions of myself. The seventh and eighth grade blogger, the ninth grade blue-haired girl, the tenth grade insecure girl, the eleventh grade freaked out girl, the twelfth grade yet to be determined.

IDK, this is the first time I've come on here in a year, and each time I feel different. There was a time when I wanted only to be skinny and pretty and amazing at everything I did. I think that part of me is still there (Ivies lol), but I'm learning to aspire for more. Learning to take in the moment, eat burgers with my friends, live life and love it too.

It's almost 1 A.M., and of course I'm still not asleep yet. But this is real, this is me a year later, a little wiser, a little more hopeful for the things to come.

Snippets of May- so far!

• "They looked like my left toenail." Heard when I was taking out the trash.
• I'm reading As I Lay Dying  in English class. The shit is hard but oh-so beautiful and deep.
• I'm also reading Performing Under Pressure. I'll post a review of it at some point on The Young Folks. It's pretty smart, but then again I haven't read too many self-help books.
• Speaking of self-help, I've chosen a shitton of self-help books I want to read in the future.
• Never buy bulk packages of ramen. Just don't do it. 
• Try your best to work ahead. I swear it's worth it. 
• I want to improve myself soooo much.

So One Year Later

It's been such a long time since I've last posted.
I've moved up a grade in school, but I've moved down in so many others.

I went back on my blog a few months ago to show my sister my middle school book reviews. Honestly, I felt mortified as I dug up my past writings; the abundance of exclamation points juxtaposed with the shitty writing was absolutely horrifying. But I don't want to take any of this down. I want to capture the snippets of my adolescence, even if labeling it and categorizing it takes away from the essence.

And now it's midnight, and I really have to go to sleep. So I'll finish up with this:

My Focuses for the rest of the School Year

1. Health
1. Start Running Again
2. Eat better
2. Books
1. Read all those self help books I bought haha
2. Read a bunch of IR Books
3. Finish the Rory Gilmore Reading Challenge
3. Math
1. Do math for 45 mins a day
4. Friends

Swearing

*&@#!

The way I see it, it's not the writer's fault for writing that. It's the reader's fault for thinking "oh that's a swear word."
If I swear, I will do so clearly. Not through symbols. Just so we're %$(#ing clear.

SEE? I DIDN'T DO A THING. It's not my issue.

Do I actually Give a ___________

Yes. I do.

Unfortunately.

Oh, and I saw this on the internet while searching up "cool hair." And yeah, her hair is amazing. I want that.

I QUIT

Not really but honestly, I've quit so many things.
Things I've quit:

• Piano
• Flute
• Running
• Swimming
• Christianity- more on this later

Things I've added this year

• Writing
• Physics

Why did I quit Christianity?

I think it was the gay marriage thing. Honestly, shouldn't any form of love be acceptable? If a God isn't willing to appreciate all forms of love, then honestly He's not going to be my God. 

And then in Exodus, God hardened the Pharoah's heart against Moses. So everything truly is predetermined. I don't really like Calvinism, and it's definitely showing up here.

I know that I should probably still be Christian, but right now, I'm still that all or nothing type of girl. Either a strict Christian or not. If you're Christian and you swear, you might as well not be Christian in my opinion. (I became a friend with a SUPER strict Christian so yeah.)

Note: I support faith of all kinds. I'm not an atheist so much as an alltheist, which is my biggest problem.